Paitence & Silence Are Powerful Energies

"Vision without execution is hallucination."'

-Thomas Edison

Stop cheating on your future with your past.

It's over..

You are enough. 

As my first alarm went off at 6 am I whispered to myself.  My hangry cat was also happy to aid in waking me up for her morning breakfast which consists of a very particular type of wet food.  I closed my eyes again waiting for the next alarm.  I attract oppurtunity, my mind whispered as I hit the second snooze button.  Third snooze came and I wimpered, everything works in my favor.  I sat up, eyes barely opening and hit the light on my bed stand.  I am open to new money sources and oppurtunities I mumbled.  I stumbled from my bed took my adderall and got dressed to go grab coffee.  I have an interview today I am not messing up I reminded myself.  Sleep when you are dead and let's get this queen prepared to do what she does best, awe people.  

My interview went extremely well. 

I was in my confident being and I slayed.  Tomorrow I have an final in-person interview at the local headquarters at 6:30 am.  2024 is the year I become my best self.  No more excuses, no more letting myself down, and no more self-sabotaging failures.  I am worthy of success.  I always get what I want and everything I want is already on it's way to me.  And I will have a successful career.

The things that are happening to you are leading you to your destiny.  There is no refinement without struggle.  All of these things are happening exactly as they are meant to be and to then lead you exactly where you are meant to go.  You cannot get to where you are going without experiencing these lessons.  Comfort kills ambition so get uncomfortable more often.  Replace every "what if" with "why the fuck not".  A risk you are afraid to take could be the one that changed your entire life.  Create a vision that makes you want to get out of bed every morning.  Maybe someday, even smile as you wake up...

A girl can dream right...

Shine so bright tomorrow that it burns their fucking eyes out.

I have cried all my tears now all I have left is the burning desire to conquer this stupid life I am sick of living.

Today I spent my day steaming my face for four hours while letting my eye pop as pressure releases from God knows where at this point.  Isn't it scary ti be ready to die at such a young age?

Luckily, today I stayed sane. 

I accepted the fact having Lupus means having flare-ups.  It is like all your flowers always grow back as throns. I did the best I could in through the debilitating stabs of pain, you even made it to the gym. I cannot control the pain I can only fight it the best I can.  It is time to learn not only to slay my demons but to dissect hem and find what they have been feeding on. Her angel eyes saw good in many devils, maybe that is why I struggle to let them go.  Youu cannot keep dancing with the devil and ask him why you are still in hell.  The thing is my hands are shaking and my tears are falling and I plead to God to please not make me do this anymore.  Am I supposed to be grateful to have survived this, Lord?  Suddenly life became more about surviving but living through it.  I have been having a bad day for the past several years.  Can I really fight my perception enough to change the way I view my life and bring myself into the present moment?

One day, you will share your story, all the way through, of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else's survival guide.  What a beautiful thing it is to be able to stand tall and say, "I fell apart and I survived."  Your wounds are probably not your fault but your healing is your responsibility.  The poison leaves bit by bit, not all at once.  Be paitent, you are still healing.  Some of the toughest battles you will ever have to face is between you and old you.  The hardest part about recovery is when you're not so sure you are ready to leave your past wounds behind.  We repeat what we do not repair.  I am somewhere between losing my mind and finding my soul...

Your life is your story.  Write well.  Edit often.

I think you are doing a beautiful job figuring some heave shit out..I know you so badly want to pick up the pieces of the past and fix this way faster than you can babygirl.  One day at a time, okay?  You have a silver plater of quite literally items to take your pick on pertaining to outside factors that play vital roles in getting yourself back on your feet.  A little progress each day adds up to big results.  I want you to officially adapt the lucky girl sydrome for the remainder of this month.

Basically, the lucky girl syndrome is a concept where you switch your mindset into thinking you are the luckiest girl (or boy) to be alive.  You make yourself start believing that only great things come to you constantly and easily.  You affirm it so repetetively that eventually, you genueinly start to believe it.  Your next chapter is going to be amazing.  How silly of me to forget again that I am in love with myself and my life. 

This rebreand will be curated by God.

Temporarily closed for spiritual maintenance.

When is a monster not a monster?

Oh, when you love it.

Not to spoil the ending but everything is going to be okay.

XOXO

B