Therapy

Therapy

Hi Barbie's,

This is fresh in the flesh.

In real time, I finally get to technically meet you all officially. Most of the work up to this point was a combination of my journaling in 2021, 2022, and 2023.

And if that was just the past three years...on the real, can you imagine 2016.

I added to each piece when it was necessary but this is officially my live debut with ya'll.

I am so excited to be in present time with you all up to this point.

I have weaved in and out of stories and feelings of my life.

In my work thus far, we have shared empowerment, heartbreak, mental instability, and so much more.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for reading my work.

It has a long way to go before I feel like I can show it to the world but even when I do I will always remember the ones that read through the grammatical chatastropy, the run on sentences, the wrong pieces constantly trying to find the actual puzzle, thank you.

You get to experience the total vulnerability of being me.

Who I was then, who I am now, and who I am learning to become.

I am the same girl, with the same name. Just a new mindset with a new growth game.

I hope you stay along for the show...it is going to be awesome.

Choosing to be a victim is a great way to make sure you never exceed in life.

You are stronger than you think you are and you have more control over your mind than you think you do.

And you have more control over your heart than you think you do.

I had my first therapy session in Utah today.

The doctor was young but he brought to light some perspectives I had never reall thought about.

He analyzed my situation to best he could with an hour to explode my pain unto him and he looked at me and said, "It sounds like you need to stop living in the past."

The doctor challenged me to attempt this next week to be present and mindful of each breath I take, to be grounded where I truly feel my life sink in. He told me he didn't think I could do it because of my tendency to never actually be present in the moment which is why my disassociation is so bad.

It was interesting....

I come to time and time again in a week, in a day. It is like I black out and let someone else pretend to be me so I can make it through just one more day.

The doctor finally told me one of the hardest things I have ever had to hear and come to terms with, he said, "You are the only one deceiding you are broken."

"You are choosing to let border line personality disorder traits define you."

"You are creating the exact reality you claim to hate so much."

Dumb founded.

My dad told me the other day be the woman you needed when you were a little girl.

Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens.

I think they might be on to something....

XOXO