I save me, I heal me, I got me, I have me, I am happier.
I decided to stay good after this last heartbreak.
It is hard to be the bigger person and learn detachment. It is so hard but no matter how people treat you, no matter how people talk to you, no matter how often people take advantage of you, or underestimate you. Even the people that take you for granted, do not let it dull your light, stay good. You're character does not have to change no matter how someone treats you. Stay above it. Do not lower yourself to the frequency of somebody who is incapable of seeing the good in everyone or loving someone the way that they deserve. Keep fighting to stay good.
I am making myself a promise, a promise to forgive myself for past mistakes and failures. I promise to forget what is behind me and start appreciating the things that are right in front of me. When you come to the end of a difficult time, remember you are not alone. God is preparing you for something greater. You won't have to compete for what God says is yours. Sometimes in order to receive what is truly yours, you must first release the things that drain and haunt you.
There is an analogy that I remind myself of because it has helped me so much when I remember it, "If a flower does not bloom, do you blame the flower or it's enviornment?" Imagine if a plant in front of you did not bloom, are you going to blame the plant, check the plant, or are you going to check the soil? Are you going to check the light or the air flow around it. The humitity. We check all the factors that go into making a plant grow, so we are that flower. If we are not sprouting or blooming in the right way we have to look at our enviornment. Who are you talking too? What instagrams are we scrolling? What things are filling your social media feeds? What is your mind constantly talking about or worrying about?
How do we show love to our trauma? This answer comes from many years of running from it. You sit with it because you have to feel it to heal it. Imagine it like this, your trauma is like a book and whoever gives you that book, whoever bestowed that trauma on to you, you shove it back on the bookshelf. Once you take that book out instead of reading it when someone adds to it, you put it back on a different shelf rather than reading it. The book is just on loop in reach waiting. We never allow the book of trauma to be within our awareness. Once you have the strength to bring it to your awareness, once you allow yourself to sit with that trauma, once you cognitively understand the root cause of your bleeding wounds can it not exist anymore. It exists because of your lack of initiative to allow the book of trauma to come into your awareness and we must retrain ourselves to open that book, learn your demons, get comfortable with their names. You must sprint right towards the devil that keeps your demons inside you and figure out why they are there? What is the root of all this baggage? It is painful. However, we know that first comes pain and then comes progress and healing.
XOXO-
B
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