Lost & Found

12/17/2023

I'm a Barbie girl, in my Barbie world.

She is going to forever say I got this, "even with tears in her eyes."

It is okay babe.

You just forgot who you are again.

Welcome back.

This is going to be the best verzion yet.

What a plot twist you were...

Somewhere in between the old me and the new me I have lost the actual me. I will never be that me again. I wish I could say it feels good to be lost in the right direction. I fucking sucks. One day, I am high, the next day low. The prison of my life here in Utah makes me realize the fight I must bring to the table. I hate my life, I want out. It is time to fight, to get my shit together, to fuck the excuses. I cannot live this way. Only you have the power to change it. So for me, for that girl that fought for your life, for that little girls of a version of you fight for this to be the last awakening. You can be lost baby girl. But you get up, you work through it, and you get your fucking life back. No body cares, work harder. Be better. Learn more and studying harder. Have the boring life now so you can have an amazing future. In the chaos there is truly calculation. Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret.

How terrible is it to be called beautiful, smart and strong to end up alone every night.

No excuses, you either want this new chapter for real this time or you don't.

Just ride the wave, babe.

Create the things you wish existed for you right now.

Your cells are listening to your thoughts so what are you telling them?

Get rid of anything and everything that no longer contributes to the life you want to live.

And hey, that means parts of you too..

If you want to be successful prepare to be doubted and tested. Time and time again. Associate with people that aid to improve you. Tell yourself you are obsessed with yourself, that you belong on a pedestal, and you love yourself more than anything. Be your own dream girl and get everything you want. Your future self is counting on you. I see a certain life now for myself and I will not stop until I get it. Be proud of every small step you take because it is the small steps that lead you to big changes in your life. Do not let anyone who has not been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces.

The mundane task of self-imporvement fucking blows man. It is lonely and it is shitty. And days like today, a part of the girl inside me wants to quit. However, if it is important to you find a way before the excuses find you. The sacrafices we make to evolve come with a cost. Somedays, let's be honest, the pain gets the best of us. Death and I have been scandously intimate for quite some time now. I learned my place is on the battle field. Buckle up baby, these shitstorms aren't going to stop coming anytime soon.

I love the woman I am becoming. It gives me chills, she knows her worth. She has great boundaries, she's motivated and ready to make it all happen.

Shall we, idk... rumble?

I am upgrading my entire life this year.

Let's go..suit up.

I call all of my power back to me.

God knows, I am going to need it.

XOXO