God please guide me on my decisions. Today, I was reading a mental health thread on Facebook. I decided to click on a post that was essentially asking how to stop intrusive thoughts because I was curious what commenters had to say. As I was sifting through the comments I noticed one that said, “I’m contemplating suicide please pray for me.” Ya’ll there was not a single reaction to this man’s post. It broke my heart. Here we are pretending to care and act like we are advocates but when we have the chance to step in and potentially save a life after a cry for help on a mental awareness blog where the fuck is the awareness. I immediately commented on his post and said to please not do that and asked if he was okay? What really got me was this wasn’t about mental health here clearly, it was a bunch of people only wanting to hear what they have to say and have the freedom to spew their opinions. They wanted to be the gurus. They wanted to be the know it alls. But when it comes to reaching out a hand to someone in pain? Where are these wisdom keepboard warrior commentators.
This young man ended up responding to me immediately. He said he was going to kill himself and asked if I would inbox him. Effort over words, people. I sent him a friend request and sent him a message. I have to ask myself how can I be so strong for others but so weak for myself. "When you are going through hell, keep on going. Never never never give up." Winston Churchill. This very situation reminds me of my purpose. I understand the pain so deeply I have the ability to suffer along side someone who has no one to hear their cries. I can be that crack of light in someone's darkness. Maybe that is my purpose? To have suffered tto in turn learn to lead with my suffering to help others through their own. In my message, I told this man that I too often want to end my life. I explained why in the moments of our deepest pain it is not the right way out. I asked him to try to find the crack of light in his darkness. And after looking at his facebook page and seeing he works at an orphanage in Africa I told him what a bright light he must be to so many children and if he couldn't stay alive for himself, that he should do it for them. We will call this man Shaban. Shaban responded to me that he was in alot of pain and very depressed. I continued to try to lift him up and said that I was too and I explained to him how I understand how it feels like it won't ever get better but it will. I asked him if he would believe in that and if he so did so would I. This young man responded with dear care turning his worries to me. Shaban said, "Really I do believe, I do not want to see you in pain (sad face) please my Brit Brit. I have believed it." I asked him to reach out on hard days and even though we may be across the world from eachother that we could be there for eachother when we were feeling low.
After a few messages back and forth, Shaban asked me if he could tell me his back story. I said of course and that I would love to hear it. So many broken souls just need someone to listen sometimes. Shaban told me that he grew up as an orphan because both of his parents died in a car accident when he was very young. He told me he grew up on the streets and had a very hard life. Shaban told me he now works with orphans and street kids because he so deeply knows their pain. I was in awe. This man had every oppurtunity to turn his pain into anger but rather he chose to let it soften his heart. I am not sure there is more that our Creator would want from us. Turning pain into strength and power rather than letting it break us and leave us for death. It, however, doesn't make internal pain disipate. Only time, faith, and peace in our hearts can heal us.
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